Ladies, I thought I’d take a moment to share a few tips for how to break down a marriage. These are quick, easy, and best of all, they come naturally! They require absolutely no effort. In fact, if you don’t intentionally try not to do them, you will nail them every time! So here you go. Ten easy steps. Enjoy!
1. Make sure that you do NOT extend forgiveness too quickly. If your husband has hurt your feelings in some way and he apologizes, do not be too quick to forgive. Let him really sit in that place for a while so that he can feel the full depth of how hurt you are. Otherwise, he will be more likely to hurt your feelings again, am I right girls? Think of it as an “emotional timeout” for him. You can pull back and leave him on the outside, not sure what to do or say. That is always helpful to a marriage.
2. Always compare your husband to the Facebook hubbies you see your friends posting about. Weekly candle lit dinners that he made himself from his own herd of free range chickens? Your hubby should be keeping up. Writing you original love songs while on his lunch break at the office? He needs to be on top of that. What? Your hubs doesn’t paint your nails and do a masseuse level foot rub? Hers does! We all saw the picture! What gives? Building you a homemade coffee table from reclaimed, gluten free, lovingly hand carved wood that he gathered from the very beach where he proposed? Is he insensitive or something? If her husband is doing that, yours could be too! He just needs a little nudge. He needs to keep up. Soon enough, you’ll be posting hubby pics of your own, and just imagine all the ‘likes’ you’ll get! (He’ll get…I meant to say ‘he’…)
3. Do not thank him for the work that he does. If you express gratitude for the sacrifices he makes and the work he does to provide for you and the family, he could grow complacent in his job. He could grow comfortable and feel like he’s accomplished something. We can’t have him resting on his laurels now, can we? No way, sisters! There is always more he could be doing! He could be making even more money, possibly in a different job. Keep dangling that carrot out there ladies! He will keep striving to please you financially, but he will never quite get there. I don’t see how that could go wrong.
4. Remember that sex is a commodity. You heard me. It’s a commodity to be traded for what you want. It’s your power in marriage. It is not a gift that you give him freely. Use the fact that he wants you against him. It’s your best bargaining chip. Make him earn it. There’s no way this could backfire on you.
5. Expect him to be Mr. Darcy. Husbands have the potential to be and think and even talk just like the leading men in romance novels. Granted, these men were made up by women, but that’s neither here nor there. The fact is that men like this exist… in books and movies… so why not also in our marriages? Sensitive, poetic, pensive, musical, whimsical, playful, strong, gentle, perfectly dressed, very fashion conscious, perfectly groomed at all times (and also still straight somehow), and hanging on our every word. Taking in and correctly interpreting our every glance, every nuance, every shadow that darkens our brow. These men exist. They are real. We can expect our husbands to rise to their level. Elizabeth got her Mr. Darcy. Why shouldn’t we?
6. Keep track of all of the work you do at home and all the work he does at home and compare it. Is it even? Is he doing his fair share? These lists need to be at least even, if not a little more on his list because #weakervessel. Let him know promptly if he is not doing his half, and do not stop reminding him until he does. I am sure that he will thank you for this chance to grow and he might possibly #riseandcallyoublessed. (possibly from the corner of the rooftop)
7. Make sure he does not have time to connect with other godly men. Some people might say that men need male relationships for the sake of mutual encouragement and accountability. I say that totally cuts into his time with me, so…nope. He will thank me for this someday when we enjoy a rich, vibrant relationship.
8. Do not follow his leadership if he is not a great leader. If he has made choices for your family in the past that haven’t turned out the way you’d hoped, do not follow him. Do not let him keep trying. Look elsewhere for leadership of your home. Do it yourself. Make sure that he knows you have no confidence in him as a leader. Men don’t grow into good leaders with practice. They don’t need someone to follow them in order to rise up and lead. Nope. That’s an old wives tale.
9. Make sure you always vent when you are mad at him. If he has hurt you or made a mistake, don’t keep those feelings bottled up. Girl, you deserve your process! Call your friend. Call your mom. Call your sis. Shoot, post that badboy on Facebook! Just keep it little vague, you know. Like, an unspoken prayer request, or a good old fashioned rant against no-one in particular. You’ll know who it is against, and so will he. And so will your bestie. Do whatever you have to do to feel like you’ve “given full vent to your wrath.” I think that’s even a Bible verse, so it has to be good for your marriage!
10. Only respect him if he is respectable. I saved this one for last because it’s a biggie. They say that to a man, respect is like oxygen. Good. A little oxygen deprivation may be exactly what he needs to motivate him to rise up and become that man you deserve. He has to earn your respect. You do not have to offer that to him freely. Especially in public. Nothing demoralizes a man more than when his wife treats him like he is an incompetent idiot in front of other people. That cripples his soul. What an incredibly powerful motivator for him to become the man you would like to make him into.
So ladies, that’s the list. I could go on and on, but for lack of time I have kept it to 10. The sweet thing is that whatever I did not add to the list is something we probably do naturally anyways! All we have to do in order to pull these things off is nothing. This is where the current on the river of our hearts will carry us. Every time. To do otherwise would require divine intervention and some serious swimming upstream, and who’s got time for that?
*My blogs are written with the assumption that they are being read primarily by Christians. If you want to know more about what it means to be a Christian or about the gospel of Jesus Christ, click the link here:The Gospel